its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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