Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
