Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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