I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
