Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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