Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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