so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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