I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
