captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hippo gnu deer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
