put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
