what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
