I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
