Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
