i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
