I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
