Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just tell him i said nine months
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
