Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
