I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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