I am puke
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
