Kiss
Puke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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