I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
