if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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