I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize