I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
