how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
