i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
