Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
