The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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