I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize