She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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