if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize