so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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