I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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