chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
