dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
