Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
