my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
