I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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