I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
