I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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