I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
