What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to be your penis for a week.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
