apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
