My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
