i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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