is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
