I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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