As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
