Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
