So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
