I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
