i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
