Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
