I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
