So drunk its hurt
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
