i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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