I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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