Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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