Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
