I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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