no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
