Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
