I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize