So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
