True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
