i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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