I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
