I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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