Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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