She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize