before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
