I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
