So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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