I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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