i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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