So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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