i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
