this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
