i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
