tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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