she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
