At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
