just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There r osticjed everywhere
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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