Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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