I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
