Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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